Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone;
I will make him an help meet for him.
Wisdom to Understand Your Man
A wise woman learns to adapt to her husband.
Three Kinds of Men
Men are not all the same. I have become aware that there are basically three types of men. It seems that God made each male to express one side of His triad nature. Most men are a little of all three, but tend to be dominate in one. As we review the types, you will probably readily identify your husband and be able to see where you have been a curse or a blessing to him.
By the time a young woman gets married, she has developed a composite image of what her husband ought to be like. The men she has known and the characters in books and movies provide each woman with a concept of the perfect man. Poor guys! They are never perfect - far from it. God gave each one a nature that in part is like Himself, but never complete. When a girl suddenly finds herself permanently wed to a man who is not like she thinks he ought to be, rather than adapt to him, she usually spends the rest of their marriage - which may not be very long - trying to change him into what she thinks her man ought to be.
Our husbands are created in the image of God, and it takes all kinds of men to even come close to completing that image. No man is a perfect balance; if he were, he would be too divine to need you. God gives imperfect women to imperfect men so they can be heirs together of the grace of life and become something more together than either one of them would ever be alone. If you fight your husband's inadequacies or seek to be dominant where he is not, both of you will fail. If you love him and support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will succeed and grow.
Mr. Command Man
God is dominant - a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary - omniscient and desirous of carrying out His plans. And, God is steady - the same yesterday, today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God.
Command Men are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers and heads of corporations. Command Men usually do more than is required of them. They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, then it is very important for you to learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.
Mr. Visionary
God is a Visionary as seen in His person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of His nature. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber who conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers, and instigators of any front-line social issue. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.
If you are married to one of these fellows, expect to be rich or poor, rarely middle class. He may never be rich in money, but he will be rich in experience. The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow - his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.
The Visionary man needs his woman's support, and he will appreciate it when it is freely given. If you are married to the Visionary Man, learn to enjoy the trip, for it he ever does make a better light bulb, he will want you to be the one who turns it on for the first time in public. It will be your face he looks into to see the marvel of what a great thing he has done. You are his most important fan. When you know your man really needs you, you can be happy with just about anything.
Mr. Steady
God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest - like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady - "in the middle, not given to extremes." The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn't try to tell other people what to do. He doesn't invent the light bulb like Mr. Visionary, but he will be the one to build the factory and manage the assembly line that produces the light bulb and the airplane. As a general rule, he will be faithful till the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in for the last 40 or 50 years.
When a woman is married to a bossy, dominant man, people marvel that she is willing to serve him without complaint, so she comes out looking like a wonderful woman of great patience and sacrifice. A woman married to the impulsive Visionary Man, who puts the family through hardships, will stir amazement in everyone. "How can she tolerate his weird ideas with such peace and joy?" She comes out being a real saint, maybe even a martyr. But if you are married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man, and you are just a little bit selfish, than you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew. He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. Shame on you!
Know Your Man
Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don't come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. God's word says in Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." A man who is created steady brings peace and safety to a woman's soul. You husband's gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband's hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom.
Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Look up "shamefacedness" in the Bible, and learn what it means. Pray for your husband to have wisdom. Stop expecting him to perform for you. Stop trying to stir him up to anger to get him to feel as though he understands you. Let him be the one God made him to be. Learn to seek your husband's advice on what to do, and then give him time to answer. Show respect by asking him in what areas he would like you to do some decision-making.
"Ruination" Wife's Summary
a) The wife of Mr. Command Man can ruin her marriage by failing to honor, obey, and reverence her husband's authority and rule.
b) The wife of Mr. Visionary can ruin her marriage by failing to follow, believe, and participate as an enthusiast in her husband's dreams and visions.
c) The wife of Mr. Steady can ruin her marriage by failing to appreciate, wait on, and be thankful for her husband's pleasant qualities.
Successful Wife's Summary
a) The wife of Mr. Command Man can heal her marriage by becoming his adoring Queen, honoring and obeying his every (reasonable and unreasonable) word. She will dress, act, and speak so as to bring him honor everywhere she goes.
b) The wife of Mr. Visionary can heal her marriage by laying aside her own dreams and aspirations and embracing her role as help meet to her man, believing in him and being willing to follow him with joyful participation in the path he has chosen.
c) The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.
Who Is Your Man?
Make a list of your husband's traits - things that indicate which of the three types he most expresses. It may be a combination, with one more dominate. Now, begin a list of things you can do that will set him free to be the man God made him to be.
Romans 12:1-2
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
Ask God to give you wisdom to see where you need to change to be the perfect help meet for your divinely designed man.
Running With You,
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